Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen