I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She needs sedatives and a leash
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.