I want to walk on stilts...naked
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?