Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.