i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.