forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow