Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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