I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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