If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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