What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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