Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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