soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
NoShamevember. You game?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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