I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
