i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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