there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
