We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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