It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
