i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
