he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
