Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
