so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
