so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
