i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
