everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
