he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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