Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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