like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
