Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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