who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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