shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
