I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this must be what syphilis tastes like
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
