So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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