u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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