if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
