Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
