he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
