duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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