i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
