I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
