If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
