hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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