I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
