i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
