We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
