haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
