I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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