Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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