now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
