ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
