"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize