had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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