If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
