dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
