After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
