I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
