I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone came in the potted fern
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I believe in your delicious
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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