i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news, I just burned my penis
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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