Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
