Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
