So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
