Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
