she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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