4 words: hood of his car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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