He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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