Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
