she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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